Shout out to the inspiration for this title: For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf
I want you to know that considering suicide isn’t nearly as rare as many people would lead you to believe.
You’re not weird, you’re not crazy.
People are REALLY uncomfortable talking about this super common thing, which then leads to people feeling ashamed, different, or like a burden for feeling this way.
You’re not being dramatic, you’re not being weak, this thing is real. I swear it.
I want you to promise to read to the end of this post, take a really big breath, and drink a cup of cold water. That’s it.
Okay, let’s go.
I heard a really common phrase last week:
“Every moment when I was almost willing to give up was the biggest pay off.”
Continue reading “For (anyone) who has considered suicide.”
Disclaimer that I have to put, even though – duh: all thoughts and opinions are my own and not that of my employer’s.
There is no space for competition or animosity among diabetes organizations if any of us are actually truly aligned to our purpose – wiping diabetes off the map.
I have been involved with both JDRF and ADA since my type 1 diabetes diagnosis in 1997. I have done advocacy, hill visits, fundraising events and volunteered with both. When Beyond Type 1 was founded more recently, I hopped on their amazing community app, have shared their resources, and attend their events too.
I have worked for JDRF for a little over 2 years and have as much respect for this organization, ADA, and Beyond Type 1 as I always have. I STILL use each organization’s resources and go to each organization’s events. I donate to and fundraise for each.
I’ve found that almost anyone I talk to who actually has T1D knows that not only CAN these organizations coexist, but they should. Continue reading “The problem with type 1 diabetes organizations (this is a rant).”
Obviously. But some have a… less pleasant experience than others and – because it’s ‘not polite’ to talk about – they suffer through having super uncomfortable and true quality-of-life altering digestive discomfort when there are solutions!
#1: Gut Health
The gut health kit I use that tests all your gut flora to make sure you have a good probiotic balance going on is from UBiome. Using its results, I was able to look for the right probiotics I needed to support my digestion, and I’ve found I don’t react as severely to foods I have issues with when I’m supplementing correctly. The test will also show if you have gut flora that usually presents in larger issues, such as Ulcerative colitis or Crohn’s Disease, so can be a great first step if you’re trying to rule out true intestinal diseases that would need a more medically-based approach.
#2: Food Intolerances Continue reading “Everybody poops.”
Please help me use my voice to influence healthcare! I’ve been nominated for a WEGO Health Patient Leader Hero award, but I need endorsements from YOU. It’ll take 2 seconds, and mean an incredible amount to me. Click here, then click the “Endorse Lala Jackson” button.
WEGO Health Awards connect the healthcare industry with top patient influencers. By endorsing me, you let healthcare companies – insurance, medical, advocacy, wellness brands, etc. – know that I’m a person whose voice is worth listening to in the health space. You know this is my jam, and I’d really appreciate your help to make these relationships happen for me.
I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes when I was 10, in 1997. I started meeting with local congress people through JDRF’s Promise to Remember me campaign, and traveled to DC with ADA when I was 17 to speak to lawmakers on the hill. My being a “bulldog” (ADA’s head of government relations at the time’s word, not mine lol) made it so an important bill got signed to allow kids with chronic illness to better and more safely take care of themselves in public school. Continue reading “I’ve been nominated for a WEGO Health award! (But I need your help)”
Imagine what you’re doing to your brain if, for days, weeks, months, years, you are repeating the story – I am sick. This is hard. I’m tired. Everything hurts.
Imagine how much it fucks with your brain to HAVE to repeat that story to doctors in order to get them to believe your symptoms. To explain to your friends and family, over and over again, why you’re not up for doing XYZ thing.
Imagine how much, in the struggle to know your experience is valid, that this isn’t just in your head, that what you’re going through is real, you have to ground yourself in that reality.
In having to tell your sickness story over and over again just to be seen, heard, or understood, how many times have you emphasized to yourself just how sick you are? Continue reading “What you focus on, grows. (aka, maybe your perspective sucks.)”
Video from my keynote below! This past weekend, I had the really wonderful opportunity to give a closing keynote at the Students with Diabetes national conference. I spoke about the superpowers we gain from the challenges we go through. I shared some stories from others and a few of my own –
– At the start, I taught hula, because that’s how I wake people up at 8:30am on a Sunday.
– At 12:34 I tell a story about how my mom taught me to use my superpower of voice.
– At 20:30, while talking about the superpower of vision, you’ll see why I think some of my superpowers are transparency and vulnerability, because I share an incredibly tough and personal story from last year.
– And at 42:02, Continue reading “My superpower is transparency”
Unpopular opinion time – I think having type 1 diabetes is a package deal with at least a low-grade eating disorder.
Even if most of the time we can have a healthy relationship with food, there are always the intense times when all the counting we did just didn’t add up and everything goes wrong. I know many of us have had the thought of “type 1 diabetes would be easy if I just didn’t have to eat.”
I’ve certainly had days when, after a week-long blood sugar roller coaster, I just gave up. It’d be water for the day because I could (usually) count on that to not affect my blood sugar, which I just couldn’t deal with anymore, but then after 20 hours of no food I snapped and ordered phad thai because fuck it.
Or, with a major low blood sugar that had me to the point I was shaking on the kitchen floor and could barely see, I would shove 4 sandwiches, a half-jar of nutella, and 6 packs of fruit gummies into my mouth before I felt like I wasn’t going to die. Continue reading “Diabetes + the inevitable eating disorder”
A few days before my first book published, I found myself suicidal for the first time in my life. I’ve had rough times before, but I never before knew what it felt like to truly want to give up until that moment. That moment terrified me.
In a few years, I know that I will look back on that early morning – standing in the shower with my hand on my heart, shuddering in sobs until my back muscles ached, trying to tell myself that I was okay – and see it as one of the times when I got knocked down but got back up again. Per my own book, it’s what I’m in the practice of doing – getting knocked down. Getting back up again.
But that morning, I was just knocked down. Exhausted. Feeling broken. Continue reading “Why I’m not talking about being sick anymore.”
Here’s the backstory; the four ways – how is a bit below. My body is constantly killing pieces of itself off. When I was ten, my immune system attacked my pancreas and killed off the beta cells that create insulin, the hormone vital to breaking down the food you eat into fuel for your body.
In my twenties, it decided to start treating the food I ate as foreign invaders, everything I ingested setting off the immune system response squad and leaving me in joint pain and nausea spirals.
At thirty, it’s developed a weird need to constantly break down my muscle fibers like an Olympic weightlifter and, no matter how much I try to coax it that we are not, in fact, aiming for any gold medal, my body seems to think that it needs to act like it’s training for the podium in our sleep. My shoulders are in a cycle of freezing, draining the fluid that allows me to reach and bend to the point that my joints lock up, then – months later – magically deciding we’re done with that and granting me motion again.
The cycle is frustrating but throughout it, I have to give my body credit. For all it messes up, it is trying REALLY hard to protect me. Like the guard dog who has lost all semblance of cool at the mean, scary leaf that just drifted into its yard, my body seems to have no idea that it’s in major overkill mode. Its intentions are good; it’s just supremely bad at its job.
In my early twenties, all of this overzealousness led to almost 60 pounds of weight gain. Continue reading “Four ways to love a messed up body.”
It’s been really interesting to watch how some people react to the idea of being sick, particularly when it comes to mental and chronic health issues. Having a body that doesn’t quite work the way everyone else’s does isn’t weak. It’s the most normal damn thing there is.
No one’s body works the same as anyone else’s. Some of our quirks are a little more pronounced than other’s, sure. But the same way someone has freckles, my pancreas doesn’t produce insulin. The same way someone has a thumb that bends all weird (you know what I’m talking about), my brain doesn’t produce enough serotonin.
It doesn’t make me weak. It makes me human.
It doesn’t make YOU weak. It makes you strong as fuck. Continue reading “Sick doesn’t equal weak.”