For (anyone) who has considered suicide.

Shout out to the inspiration for this title: For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf

I want you to know that considering suicide isn’t nearly as rare as many people would lead you to believe.

You’re not weird, you’re not crazy.

People are REALLY uncomfortable talking about this super common thing, which then leads to people feeling ashamed, different, or like a burden for feeling this way.

You’re not being dramatic, you’re not being weak, this thing is real. I swear it.

I want you to promise to read to the end of this post, take a really big breath, and drink a cup of cold water. That’s it.

You in?

Okay, let’s go.

I heard a really common phrase last week:

“Every moment when I was almost willing to give up was the biggest pay off.”

Continue reading “For (anyone) who has considered suicide.”

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Yaz birth control made me suicidal.

In May, I started taking a new birth control pill – the generic of Yaz. I talked about why I started taking birth control again after a three-year hiatus here.

Hindsight is everything. But at the time, I hadn’t linked two really crucial happenings in my life –

1) Starting to take Yaz birth control pills.
2) The start of the worst anxiety spiral I’ve ever experienced, eventually leading to multiple daily panic attacks and suicidal thoughts.

My Experience with Yaz

I had been a bit worn out and experiencing some chronic pain flares in May but was also coming off birthday month – for the entire month of April I celebrated the big 3-0 – so I hadn’t thought much of it. I was tired, but I still felt like myself and was able to process my emotions in a way that was normal for me – calm, balanced, able to maintain perspective, and able to remove myself from situations if I felt like I needed to take a break.

By late June/early July, I started to feel off. However, because it was a continuation of the fatigue I felt in May, it didn’t feel different ENOUGH to raise my alarms. I thought it was a continuation of *me* rather than anything different being introduced. Continue reading “Yaz birth control made me suicidal.”