In case you missed it, a movie called Black Panther came out last week and it is uh… kind of a big deal.
In May, I started taking a new birth control pill – the generic of Yaz. I talked about why I started taking birth control again after a three-year hiatus here.
Hindsight is everything. But at the time, I hadn’t linked two really crucial happenings in my life –
1) Starting to take Yaz birth control pills.
2) The start of the worst anxiety spiral I’ve ever experienced, eventually leading to multiple daily panic attacks and suicidal thoughts.
My Experience with Yaz
I had been a bit worn out and experiencing some chronic pain flares in May but was also coming off birthday month – for the entire month of April I celebrated the big 3-0 – so I hadn’t thought much of it. I was tired, but I still felt like myself and was able to process my emotions in a way that was normal for me – calm, balanced, able to maintain perspective, and able to remove myself from situations if I felt like I needed to take a break.
By late June/early July, I started to feel off. However, because it was a continuation of the fatigue I felt in May, it didn’t feel different ENOUGH to raise my alarms. I thought it was a continuation of *me* rather than anything different being introduced. Continue reading “Yaz birth control made me suicidal.”
Every year since 2010 I’ve forgone new year’s resolutions – since they never stick anyway – and have instead chosen words to guide me.
From healthcare (2010), wellness (2013), and realignment (2014) to relationships (2012), growth (2015), and purpose (2016), each time I’ve set an intention for my year the universe answered.
By the end of each year I could clearly say, “yup, that word definitely guided me,” but – whether it is because I’m hardheaded or it’s just the way lessons are taught – these intentions also cracked me upside the head with hard-fought wisdom.
The year I set healthcare as my intention, I ended up being without healthcare (while living with type 1 diabetes) until October 1st. It made me deeply appreciate access to healthcare and become a lifelong advocate for healthcare as a human right. Continue reading “My 2018 word is __________.”
A few days before my first book published, I found myself suicidal for the first time in my life. I’ve had rough times before, but I never before knew what it felt like to truly want to give up until that moment. That moment terrified me.
In a few years, I know that I will look back on that early morning – standing in the shower with my hand on my heart, shuddering in sobs until my back muscles ached, trying to tell myself that I was okay – and see it as one of the times when I got knocked down but got back up again. Per my own book, it’s what I’m in the practice of doing – getting knocked down. Getting back up again.
But that morning, I was just knocked down. Exhausted. Feeling broken. Continue reading “Why I’m not talking about being sick anymore.”
Here’s the backstory; the four ways – how is a bit below. My body is constantly killing pieces of itself off. When I was ten, my immune system attacked my pancreas and killed off the beta cells that create insulin, the hormone vital to breaking down the food you eat into fuel for your body.
In my twenties, it decided to start treating the food I ate as foreign invaders, everything I ingested setting off the immune system response squad and leaving me in joint pain and nausea spirals.
At thirty, it’s developed a weird need to constantly break down my muscle fibers like an Olympic weightlifter and, no matter how much I try to coax it that we are not, in fact, aiming for any gold medal, my body seems to think that it needs to act like it’s training for the podium in our sleep. My shoulders are in a cycle of freezing, draining the fluid that allows me to reach and bend to the point that my joints lock up, then – months later – magically deciding we’re done with that and granting me motion again.
The cycle is frustrating but throughout it, I have to give my body credit. For all it messes up, it is trying REALLY hard to protect me. Like the guard dog who has lost all semblance of cool at the mean, scary leaf that just drifted into its yard, my body seems to have no idea that it’s in major overkill mode. Its intentions are good; it’s just supremely bad at its job.
In my early twenties, all of this overzealousness led to almost 60 pounds of weight gain. Continue reading “Four ways to love a messed up body.”
It’s been really interesting to watch how some people react to the idea of being sick, particularly when it comes to mental and chronic health issues. Having a body that doesn’t quite work the way everyone else’s does isn’t weak. It’s the most normal damn thing there is.
No one’s body works the same as anyone else’s. Some of our quirks are a little more pronounced than other’s, sure. But the same way someone has freckles, my pancreas doesn’t produce insulin. The same way someone has a thumb that bends all weird (you know what I’m talking about), my brain doesn’t produce enough serotonin.
It doesn’t make me weak. It makes me human.
It doesn’t make YOU weak. It makes you strong as fuck. Continue reading “Sick doesn’t equal weak.”
With the recent publication of my book – Beyond Powerful: Your Chronic Illness is Not Your Kryptonite – I recognize that a lot of you are new visitors to LalaJackson.com so I wanted to give you a little intro into who I am!
You can also learn more about what I write (and love to talk about) here. Drop me a note to firstname.lastname@example.org if you’d like to say hello or have an idea for how we can collaborate on something together!
I used to be that person who woke up at 5am, wrote morning pages, did yoga, drank 32 ounces of cold water, and was in my home office seat at 9am ready to go with gusto. I have not been that person in a while. Extensive morning routines can be exhausting and unsustainable, but there are a few key things I really try to stick to because they make such a massive difference.
In this video, I go into the two most fundamental things to make sure I stay in the mindset I want throughout the day.
How about you? How do you start your day so that it’s your best? What are the practices that keep you in the mindset you want to be?
I’m fundraising for JDRF because I believe in their vision of a world without type 1 diabetes (T1D). Almost 20 years ago, after having lost 30 pounds in a month and almost going into a coma, I was diagnosed with T1D at 4am on Thanksgiving morning as I was carried into the emergency room.
Because of progress made possible by JDRF – the leading global organization for T1D research and advocacy – I have gone from 3 insulin shots per day to an insulin pump, which works kind of like a mini-IV, that more closely mimics a human pancreas to give me insulin 24/7. Continue reading “$2,000 for 20 years with T1D”
Today is the day – Beyond Powerful: Your Chronic Illness is Not Your Kryptonite is now officially PUBLISHED. Learn more at BeyondPowerfulBook.com and grab your copy. Once you read it, please be sure to leave your review – your reviews help a TON with marketing on Amazon.
AMERICANS! Grab it on Amazon (or Barnes & Noble, Books a Million, Powell’s Books, Indie Bound, Walmart (online only), Target (online only), etc.)
BRITS! Grab it on Amazon UK, Foyles, or Waterstones.
CANADIANS! Grab it on Amazon CA.
ERRRBODY ELSE: it’s available on Amazon Kindle WORLDWIDE ❤
And if you want to go grab it at your local bookstore in person please do! If they don’t already have it stocked, please ask them to stock Beyond Powerful by Lala Jackson – it is being distributed through Ingram, which is a really massive book distribution service
WANT IT IN YOUR LOCAL LIBRARY?
You can look up whether or not your local library has a copy here. Apparently only the Denver Public Library already has three copies at the moment (NO idea why but I appreciate you Denver). If your local or college library doesn’t already, please request that they do.
ALSO, if you’d like to share what I do and what I write about with your favorite blogger, podcaster, writer, show host, etc., please feel free.Obviously I’d love to spread the word about the book but I’m also more than happy to be a guest/resource to talk about wellness, chronic health, mental health, healthcare policy, etc. They can learn more about me at LalaJackson.com
I can’t thank you all enough. Truly.
P.S. Join me at the Beyond Powerful Book Launch Party on Saturday, September 23, 2017 in Brooklyn, New York! The party will start up at 7PM at Barra Brava. Details will be on Facebook and Instagram soon!